The Packing, The Moving, The Going.

She packs. She moves. She follows. Why? What for? How come? You may think she has lost her mind. But actually, she's lost her heart. Given to a man who took it thousands of miles away. A man who puts duty first, who salutes the flag, and whose boots in the doorway remind her that it takes one hell of a person to do what he does & she will forever stand by his side. As we start to pack to move into our house I remind myself of this. I do what I have to keep all the stress off my husband and take on more than I probably should to always make him happy. My friends will tell you I take on more than I should and if you asked my body it would probably say the same thing. I get constant nausea from being so stressed something I am trying to work on. Just when we got settled we are moving again but now it is in to a house that will soon become our home. Right after we close on the house or possibly even a few days before my husband will be deploying again. I knew this was a possibility, I guess I just didn't wanna believe it would actually happen. There are days when I keep my emotions to myself, when drama happens I don't tell Jess as often as I used to to keep more stress off of him. I have made great friends in this life we live that will support me, help me, and take care of me while Jess is away. I've slowly taken all the pictures off the walls and the wall of filled boxes keeps getting stacked higher & higher. I wish some days that we could just call up the packing fairy and say move this here and if you feel like buying new furniture along the way and just dropping it my new living room I won't complain. We all know that's a fantasy though, that all of this hard work & effort will pay off in the end. I will be so proud of myself for doing this and decorating the house and not having to take handouts to be able to afford the new furniture we want. We are keeping almost all our hand me down furniture until we find the stuff we love and have made the money for it. I am even taking on a job this deployment to keep myself busy & help with our savings. I know I don't have to, that we could live just fine without it but to know that we would have more money to fall back on makes me happier. I also get rewarded for all my hard work during this deployment and I get to buy the camera of my dreams with all the gadgets. Jess has made me wait 2 years to get this camera but he has finally agreed. I have a 35mm that I will still take pictures with and am so proud of but more than anything I am fulfilling my dreams and following my heart. Since I was little I have always loved the beauty you can find behind the lens of a camera, you can see the world differently and capture the way you see it. I have not said this to many people but my goal one day is to travel to poverty stricken areas and do some photojournalism work along with missionary work. I can't not say it enough how much I love this type of art. I know I went off on a little rant, but I just can't wait to be able to hang my art around our house!!!! It's a dream come true, the house, the husband, the art. I feel like everything is finally going to be exactly the way I've always wanted minus the deployment. 

ALWAYS IN MY HEART,

C.SMITH